fictionsmith

I recently posted (and almost immediately removed) a lengthy review for Tracy Trost’s Find Me on Facebook.  I redacted my thoughts for two reasons:

1) I’ve already talked candidly with Tracy about the film after he asked me for my “Ebert and Roeper” over the phone.

2) Anything imperfection I note publicly will make me look like a hypocrite unless my film does it better… and if it does do it better, then I get to look like a jerk for talking about how I feel my product was superior…

It’s sort of an “Oh yeah?  Well, if you didn’t like it, why don’t you go make something better!?” And the unspoken punchline is: you probably can’t unless you’ve honed your craft and have the time, money, and manpower to pull it off.

You probably don’t know firsthand what all went into making a feature length film, and even whether or not you knew it, you would most likely behave fairly differently if you were discussing it with the creator of the art right in front of you.

.:Thick Skin
I’ll admit it, I don’t have very thick skin.  I also don’t have a lot of confidence in my art just yet either.  I think confidence without a track record is foolishness.  People used to accuse me of being cocky when I outright said I was going to win the state championship in Sporting Clays that year.  Truth was, I hadn’t lost a state championship in 6 years, and there wasn’t anybody new that was going to give me a run for my money.  I was confident because I had a long track record.  I knew I was good at what I did, and while I didn’t talk about it much, I wasn’t going to apologize for it.

This is the first time I’ve produced art at this level.  We have professional actors flying out from LA, more equipment than I’ve ever used before, and a loyal crew that’s faithful until the end.  If Greyscale is a smashing success, then I would be an idiot to not immediately bring up how it wasn’t just me and I couldn’t have done what I did if it wasn’t for my crew… which is all very, very true.

But, if people hate it?  I carry a multitude of bullseyes.  If you watch Greyscale and don’t like the story?  You blame me.  Dialog? Me. Actor choices? Me. Editing choices, lead actor’s performances, shot selection, etc… You fire off an arrow at me.

But right now this is my baby… insulting it is like telling me that my kid is ugly.  I’ll eventually be able to distance myself and remind myself that this in fact not a child of mine, but the first in hopefully a long series of stories that I will learn from and get better at crafting as I go along.

.:Hand Grenades
So, I don’t plan to lob hand grenades at projects where I feel like I’m outperforming*.  It’s hubristic and petty to compare.  This isn’t a horse race… one of us doesn’t win.  We’re all learning and hopefully getting better.  I have to learn to be open to honest criticism… and by honest criticism I don’t mean some anonymous online poster that wouldn’t have the guts to ever say that to me directly…

At the moment I still feel like I’m either going to need to have someone be my buffer to read reviews and boil them down for me, or just to shut myself off and not get discouraged if people don’t like it… because I won’t get better unless I keep making things… but I also won’t get better if I don’t know what I need to fix.

Rumor has it that Speilberg will lock himself up for about a week after his premiere, and not listen to any sort of reviews on his work for at least a week.  I have a feeling I’ll be able to sympathize.

-R

P.S.  I’m pretty sure I’m not going to ask anyone what they thought of the movie at the premiere… to me it’s like critiquing the bride’s dress at the reception… to the groom.  Then again, if nobody meets my eye afterward, I’ll just go to Wal-mart and buy a shovel so I can dig a hole deep enough in my backyard to bury my shame…

…but I doubt it will come to that… I’ve seen a version of it, and at least I enjoy the movie… so here’s to small victories.

*This was in no way a statement to say that I feel like I’m outperforming Find Me.  Just a statement in general.