fictionsmith

I’m not sure how to describe what it was like to watch my film on one of the same screens that I used to go to during college when I was learning the basics of my craft, surrounded by the people who supported, worked with, and believed in me in order to get the behemoth that is an independent film finished.

It’s an incredibly humbling experience, and the closest I can come to a parallel is a wedding… albeit one where an unfortunate handful are stuck staring up with craned necks from the front rows.

After narrowly avoiding a slew of technical difficulties (15 minutes before the show we couldn’t get the blu-ray to play), dapper gentlemen and beautiful ladies filed into the theater… some I hadn’t seen in years, others, months… five times I got to say, “Oh, and congratulations on getting married!” to recipients of tickets as they marched through the line.  Like a wedding, I wished I had been able to spend more time with those traveling in from California, New York, New Mexico, Missouri, etc… but was incredibly grateful that they would spend the time and resources to come to show their support.

It took some time to get over myself and stop watching the film thinking of every little thing I wished were different or better (and assuming the audience was watching it with the exact same eye), and finally I was able to just enjoy the work.

I was on pins and needles with almost every scene… “Will they like it?” “Will they laugh when I hope they will?”, and the dreaded “Will they laugh when I hope they won’t?” ran through my mind.  It was such a relief when the right moments came, and I saw the forest as well as the trees, finally.

As the final shot before the credits played out, my wife squeezed my arm, smiled, and said “Yay, baby!” and then Marisa (sitting to my right, who hadn’t seen a version of the film in over a year) had a massive grin and exclaimed “That was so good!”  The applause went on and I went forward to address the crowd.

(let me caveat that I’m not retelling these moments as a way of self-congratulation, but as a way of remembering this for future reference and appreciating the moment of victory when the process of slogging through creating a film is often a minefield of disappointments and frustrations)

I made sure we sat through all of the credits, as the 100+ people’s names that scrolled by were very precious to me because they helped me fulfill my dream and I couldn’t have made the film without them.  They supported me through the peaks and valleys of the project and I’ll never forget that.

We had a brief Q&A session afterward, asking if there was to be a sequel (Greyscale 2: Colorwheel… the musical…) and since we didn’t have much time, one “question” became a congratulation that evolved into a standing ovation.

At that moment, all of the hardships and tough times felt like they were worth it… that the moment was beautiful not because I had accomplished something of merit, but because we had all pulled together to create something bigger than ourselves, and it wasn’t easy… and it definitely wasn’t quick.

Regardless of how well the film is received outside of that theater in Tulsa on August 21st, 2010, I have that moment where I felt loved and appreciated.

The afterparty was a beautiful blur.  Shaking hands, smiling faces, hugs, hellos, and good-byes brought closure.  Something that’s taken 2.5 years of my life needed closure, and I am eternally grateful for the team of girls that planned the event.  I didn’t want to ask if people what they thought about it, but I did get to ask a few pointed questions on certain plot elements and whether they were expected or not, and got surprisingly good responses… it’s difficult when it’s impossible to have fresh eyes, so hearing from people totally blind to the plot going in is a valuable asset.

Overall, it’s been an emotional rollercoaster and it’s not entirely finished, but last Saturday was a massive milestone, and my first “red carpet” for a film I had directed… and I couldn’t be happier.

vcD,
-R